i know i should be bloggin. posting everything. i wake up in the morning and think... today i will blog. i get coffee and think... blog. i grab somethin to eat and think blog. and yet i don't. days pass and i don't blog. infact, i have grown a slight aversion to the computer of late... mostly because it just makes me feel so homesick. i miss my people. and the lack of job interest is just disheartening. i've been waitin for 5 days now to hear back on this job with DeVry. my mom with the inside track says they haven't decided on anyone yet. she says no news is good news. but i figure if i didn't leave a good enough impression that they haven't choosen me yet... it couldn't be good. and honestly, i have no other leads. i will have to start over from scratch. it's just completely and utterly disheartening.
i started reading the twilight series. i finished twilight and i'm not thinking i will go to the ole B&N to scope a copy of theirs... just borrow you know. since there is no money to be had for buying and the library copy is checked out. it's not that it's that great of a book... but it's something to do beside wait yet another day to hear nothing. it's just somewhere to escape where homesickness doesn't exisist. they economy is fine. and people aren't sick laying in bed all day wanting you to wait on them.
so alas... i know i should blog. blog about birthdayness. blog about the upcoming arrival of chris and em next week. blog about the sportsbar and watching the lions game. about the church we've been goin to or anything else. but honestly, my heart just isn't there to do. i'm just hangin on.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
HEY mambo... Mambo Italiano...
tonight was italian night. mom gave us a bit of money to do some grocery shopping on since she doesn't actually eat REAL food (a story all unto itself). And so tom and i very carefully planned out the perfect little meals, the goal being to cook three good meals a week and survive off of leftovers the remaining time. and tonight was "Italiano".
now tom is a quarter italian. he has also been extremely poor the entire time i've known him. and this being said, i have had his spegetti and meatballs before. it's tasty. it's traditional. he does it well. and most important... it's cheap. so tonight Tom decided and psyched himself all up to make his dish. and not just make it but MAKE it to impress the family. Tom loves to cook... it's true. anyone who knows him knows this. but more than just cooking tom loves to impress someone with his cooking. and so this gave him the perfect opportunity to do such and boy did he freaking knock it out of the park.
the sauce was amazing. huge cloves of garlic and onion... you could literally distinguish each ingredient as an individual and as a whole. each bit having a dominant part and yet each sharing to produce something bigger than itself. and the meatballs. amazing. big huge giant meatballs with such yummy flavor. the noodles were perfect and it came together ("come together right now"). i know some of you either make a mean spegetti or know someone who does and i have had some of these, but i assure you.. your spegetti would bow to what i partook tonight.
it was one of those meals that i imagined tasted like the scene from Chocolate where Juliette Binoche's character makes the birthday meal for Judi Dench's character and all the characters are falling over the food. it seems incredibly sensual as they eat and like they are about to keel over from how intense the flavors are in their mouths. or the scene from Big Night where everyone has eaten and is dancing around with joy and happy from the amazing 10 course meal they had.
it was one of those meals.
to make the evening even more amazing was my sister. erin has not been known for parting from her bed often, but the more we are here the more we create reason for her to want to get out of bed. and she's been great... joining us whenever she feels up to it. tonight though was different. tonight she joined us even though she was in intense pain. tom gave her the 15 minute warning before the meal was to be ready and 5 minutes later out rolls erin quietly to the couch. i noticed that she lay in her spot (when she's not in bed) and was particularly quiet and pained looking. a few minutes later tears were running down her face as her pain level was quite high. but she stayed out with us. she took some pills (some really good pills) and choose to eat dinner with us. since she wasn't up to sitting at the table... we brought the table to her at the couch and the three of us had this amazing little meal. erin complained it was too spicy but i think that was just to keep up the roll of not being completely happy with something ;)
earlier in the evening, tom had mentioned the idea of what we might do for dessert. we had run down the options - normal ice cream or maybe baking chocolate chip cookies or maybe... just maybe we could drive up to that little gelato shop we saw this weekend and get official italian ice cream to top the meal off just right. erin shoo-ed the idea, but god love tom he brought up again as we ate. erin's meds were kicking in and as she ate she began to really perk up. we finished our heavenly meal and were letting it digest a bit when good old tom put the idea out there one more time... and she bit. of course, we had to go just as we were (i was in my p.js.) and she wasn't getting out of the car. but it was a deal. so we loaded up the car (a slightly time consuming process) and drove up two exits to get some gelato. so worth it.
the sweets were definately good. but the memory of the night and the laughs and the classic dean martin playing in the background... that was priceless.
now tom is a quarter italian. he has also been extremely poor the entire time i've known him. and this being said, i have had his spegetti and meatballs before. it's tasty. it's traditional. he does it well. and most important... it's cheap. so tonight Tom decided and psyched himself all up to make his dish. and not just make it but MAKE it to impress the family. Tom loves to cook... it's true. anyone who knows him knows this. but more than just cooking tom loves to impress someone with his cooking. and so this gave him the perfect opportunity to do such and boy did he freaking knock it out of the park.
the sauce was amazing. huge cloves of garlic and onion... you could literally distinguish each ingredient as an individual and as a whole. each bit having a dominant part and yet each sharing to produce something bigger than itself. and the meatballs. amazing. big huge giant meatballs with such yummy flavor. the noodles were perfect and it came together ("come together right now"). i know some of you either make a mean spegetti or know someone who does and i have had some of these, but i assure you.. your spegetti would bow to what i partook tonight.
it was one of those meals that i imagined tasted like the scene from Chocolate where Juliette Binoche's character makes the birthday meal for Judi Dench's character and all the characters are falling over the food. it seems incredibly sensual as they eat and like they are about to keel over from how intense the flavors are in their mouths. or the scene from Big Night where everyone has eaten and is dancing around with joy and happy from the amazing 10 course meal they had.
it was one of those meals.
to make the evening even more amazing was my sister. erin has not been known for parting from her bed often, but the more we are here the more we create reason for her to want to get out of bed. and she's been great... joining us whenever she feels up to it. tonight though was different. tonight she joined us even though she was in intense pain. tom gave her the 15 minute warning before the meal was to be ready and 5 minutes later out rolls erin quietly to the couch. i noticed that she lay in her spot (when she's not in bed) and was particularly quiet and pained looking. a few minutes later tears were running down her face as her pain level was quite high. but she stayed out with us. she took some pills (some really good pills) and choose to eat dinner with us. since she wasn't up to sitting at the table... we brought the table to her at the couch and the three of us had this amazing little meal. erin complained it was too spicy but i think that was just to keep up the roll of not being completely happy with something ;)
earlier in the evening, tom had mentioned the idea of what we might do for dessert. we had run down the options - normal ice cream or maybe baking chocolate chip cookies or maybe... just maybe we could drive up to that little gelato shop we saw this weekend and get official italian ice cream to top the meal off just right. erin shoo-ed the idea, but god love tom he brought up again as we ate. erin's meds were kicking in and as she ate she began to really perk up. we finished our heavenly meal and were letting it digest a bit when good old tom put the idea out there one more time... and she bit. of course, we had to go just as we were (i was in my p.js.) and she wasn't getting out of the car. but it was a deal. so we loaded up the car (a slightly time consuming process) and drove up two exits to get some gelato. so worth it.
the sweets were definately good. but the memory of the night and the laughs and the classic dean martin playing in the background... that was priceless.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
rest? or procrastination?
so i am attempting to write daily. or maybe close to it. just to be closer to those that are actually far away.
today was kind of a wash day. in fact, lots of the days feel that way. but if we applied for jobs then i think i've done what i am suppose to do. but of course, i usually feel pretty down at the end of that. because job hunting just isn't what it used to be back in the day. back in the day, you had your resume in hand and you physically went in and shook someones hand, you introduced yourself, and they could decide without a personality test that you would or would not be a good fit for their company. But now in the age of technoloy and de-personalization job hunting is now you and your computer and the only thing a potential employeer sees is a piece of paper that represents you. or is at least suppose to represent you. and so many people lie this day and age. or try to make themselves look better than what they are. and so my resume, honest to a freaking crossed 't' looks, i'm sure, no different then joe shmo (not to be confused with the overly talked about joe the plumber) down the street. i'm sure i get thrown in the pile of all the rest. and my friends i am just not an "all the rest" kind of worker. i am good damn it. but when you are treated like you don't matter. you kinda start to feel that way. and so job hunting isn't what it used to be. and at the end of applying for every job posted on craigslist, careerbuilder, monster, the atlanta journal of constitution which uses Yahoo! Hot Jobs and then simplyhired on a daily basis and not getting a single response day after day after day... today i didn't.
i meant to. i had every intention to. but i got up. cleaned the kitchen. got erin her meds. dyed my hair (nothing special). ate some lunch. watched a movie with erin in which i was so sleepy i fell asleep adn then woke up, helped make dinner, cleaned the kitchen, folded some laundry, ran the vaccum and then walked to get the mail. and the day is gone. i feel guilty i didn't job hunt today. okay i applied for one job. but not the usual regiment. and yet i also feel rested. and not depressed about the non-responses i'm getting. just guilty. if i could only shake that guilt. :)
anywho, my mom did make a call and ask if i would at the very least be interviewed for the job at DeVry. She was told i was already on the list. They are only interviewing 5 people. and i know that there is also an internal person interested in the position. My mom says it's up to me to get it. She can only get me an interview. so they are suppose to be calling for personality tests and an interview. We shall see.
on the other hand, i got a call from a company wanting to know if i would relocate to Dallas, TX for a job. *sigh* i JUST did that. ... if only i had the job. ;)
but alas, Grey's Anatomy is on in 18 minutes and the world will be right for an hour before i must return to reality.
today was kind of a wash day. in fact, lots of the days feel that way. but if we applied for jobs then i think i've done what i am suppose to do. but of course, i usually feel pretty down at the end of that. because job hunting just isn't what it used to be back in the day. back in the day, you had your resume in hand and you physically went in and shook someones hand, you introduced yourself, and they could decide without a personality test that you would or would not be a good fit for their company. But now in the age of technoloy and de-personalization job hunting is now you and your computer and the only thing a potential employeer sees is a piece of paper that represents you. or is at least suppose to represent you. and so many people lie this day and age. or try to make themselves look better than what they are. and so my resume, honest to a freaking crossed 't' looks, i'm sure, no different then joe shmo (not to be confused with the overly talked about joe the plumber) down the street. i'm sure i get thrown in the pile of all the rest. and my friends i am just not an "all the rest" kind of worker. i am good damn it. but when you are treated like you don't matter. you kinda start to feel that way. and so job hunting isn't what it used to be. and at the end of applying for every job posted on craigslist, careerbuilder, monster, the atlanta journal of constitution which uses Yahoo! Hot Jobs and then simplyhired on a daily basis and not getting a single response day after day after day... today i didn't.
i meant to. i had every intention to. but i got up. cleaned the kitchen. got erin her meds. dyed my hair (nothing special). ate some lunch. watched a movie with erin in which i was so sleepy i fell asleep adn then woke up, helped make dinner, cleaned the kitchen, folded some laundry, ran the vaccum and then walked to get the mail. and the day is gone. i feel guilty i didn't job hunt today. okay i applied for one job. but not the usual regiment. and yet i also feel rested. and not depressed about the non-responses i'm getting. just guilty. if i could only shake that guilt. :)
anywho, my mom did make a call and ask if i would at the very least be interviewed for the job at DeVry. She was told i was already on the list. They are only interviewing 5 people. and i know that there is also an internal person interested in the position. My mom says it's up to me to get it. She can only get me an interview. so they are suppose to be calling for personality tests and an interview. We shall see.
on the other hand, i got a call from a company wanting to know if i would relocate to Dallas, TX for a job. *sigh* i JUST did that. ... if only i had the job. ;)
but alas, Grey's Anatomy is on in 18 minutes and the world will be right for an hour before i must return to reality.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tricks and Treats
we carved pumpkins. tom and i bought pumpkins on friday with the hopes of carving them. to get erin up and out of bed and to do something fun and bonding. i don't ever remember carving pumpkins as a family in my life. my mom swears we did it once, but i don't remember. it's not that my mom or famil
y wasn't festive or that we didn't like to bond. it's just that usually there wasn't money for things like pumpkins and then if there might have been a few extra bucks, my mom just didn't have the time. she was the mom and the dad in our family. when she wasn't working or doing housework or yard work or when my sister got sick - taking care of her... she was usually collapsed in a chair resting or taking a nap. my mom's signature position at any family holiday get together is almost always asleep on 
the couch. becuase it's the only time the lady stops moving and sleep is pretty much instantaneous.so we didn't carve pumpkins or dye easter eggs. we usually bonded around t.v. shows because that didn't actually take physical energy or creative energy. my mom used to watch the X-files. that was our big show... so were M*A*S*H re-runs and star-trek. erin didn't dig any of our shows, but two against one... hee hee.
but last night, we carved pumpkins. erin had a reason to get out of bed. mom could obes
se about how to light a pumpkin without using a candle, i could get my craft on and carve and tom could do what he does... take it all in (and make amazing pumpkin seeds). it was a good time. we talked and teased and carved. it was a good time and i really like my pumpkin. it makes me happ
y. tom's pumpkin makes me extremely happy too. i think some of the happiest people in the world are those with downsyndrome. i love the way they can capture love and life and happy in a smile. and tom's pumpkin... it is soo the downs pumpkin. it makes me happy. extremely happy. and it makes me think of beautiful gweny. which again... makes me super happy.
we're here
so i just realized that it's been almost a month since my last post. good grief... time has been flying past. wow. i'm a little stunned.
anywho. we are in atlanta. the past several weeks has been an amazing push and whirlwind of trying to get two apartments packed, interview for jobs 800 miles away, cut off services, change address', say goodbyes, make time for friends, fullfill commitments and load a 26 foot uhaul truck with everything the two of us own. it was three weeks of so much. so much i can't even begin to tell you.
and then we drove. a trip that usually can be done in 12 hours - one day. took two days and like 18 hours in the massive truck. we did the math.... i'm not even sure how it took so long. but it did. and it was exhausting. being giggled round and round up and down on that bloody thing after days of packing and lifting only made sore muscles... o
h so much more so.and then we got here. and nothing. we unpacked the truck in a big ole storage unit and spent the next couple days sleeping and trying recouperate while making some phone calls, mailing out some paperwork and other mundane businessy crap. but all in all it felt pretty darn anti-clamatic. it was like going 100 miles an hour for so long and then we just hit a wall. the wall was our goal: get to atlanta. and then we were faced with the mundaneness of life. life that travels at more like 35 mph. here we are. in atlanta. now what?
so we scooped out a church. a nice episcopalian number. we had plans to go on sunday. we even made a trial run to the spot to make sure we knew where it was and how long it would take in the morning to get there. and then, sunday morning was attack of my tummy. bad stuff kids. so we missed out on the new thing. and i slept all day. aaaalll day.
and now we apply to jobs. it's kinda of depressing in all honesty. when tom came down to visit and we were making the decision to move or not to move, we checked the job market out. and the market was good. and a month later. after hours and hours of coverage on how crappy the economy is.... the job market in atlanta is catching up with the rest of country. and so. it's depressing. we try and hit all the job sites and all the new posts every morning and then spend the afternoon doing something fun. one night we went out on a date, and last night we carved pumpkins. today we uploaded photos and tried to get the posting on all the sites together. and thus...this post :D
the honest to god truth is, this would be the most miserable time of my life if it weren't that my best friend is here with me. to talk about stuff. important stuff not important stuff. to laugh at the goofiness and naturally retarded ways of life and to be my strength. to make me a cup of tea or cup of coffee and smile or make fun of me. he is my oasis in this soul desert. and i can't tell you how thankful i am for him in my life enough.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
A whirlwind of a week
so here we are, tuesday... already. and ahead of me is one very crazy and packed week. i'm back in detroit and my visit to atlanta was life changing. it was good. it was bad. it was a many many things but i made some pretty big decisions while i was there. the number one - was to move to atlanta to help my mom out, to get to know my family again (it's been 8 years since i've lived near them) and to love on my sister. this was not an easy or quick decision made. there has been so much talk, so much meditating, so much thought put behind it. lists of pros and cons made and what it all really means.
but this is what i know without a shadow of a doubt. that family comes first. that you take care of your family at all cost no matter what your or who your family looks like or is. and that this was the first time in my entire life that my mother called me to come and help her with my sister. that standing in the emergency room with my mother outside my sisters door and looking into her worn and weary eyes and realizing that she's given all she can give and she is asking for help - not just for a week or two.... but HELP. i've realized that my family has seen me evolve over the last 8 years from a distance and we have stayed in contact via the phone (at least me and my mom) but that there is much that a phone conversation or holiday visits don't convey. there is much they don't see or realize about me and me about them. that in reality my sister and i, the girl i used to protect from my dad, have lost each other. that her illness has kept her in a bed and hermit like and too sick to know me at all.. and me to know her. this is something that has grieved me a long time.
and then, i also know that i have no job. i have been looking here and applied few places as there isn't much to even apply to. or what is.. just doesn't pay enough to even cover my bills. my bills that i've even lowered over the last several months by several hundred dollars. and i know that the job economy is so much better in atlanta. 1. in job availiablity and 2. in the wages being paid for those jobs. i know cuz i've applied for about 50 of them. getting one potential bite... we will see (fingers crossed it's something good).
and thus, these are the two largest driving motivations behind this decision. there are a ton of small little things, as is with anything. pros and cons. advantages and disadvantages. benifits and then again huge scarifices. but in the end, this is the undeniable open door that has presented iteself that i am saying yes... i will walk through you.
in addition, there is thomas. my dear sweet thomas who has never lived more than 30 miles from the place he was born. he has become over the months the other half of me. and seperation by 800 miles would be unbearable. not to mention, he has been effected by the job economy in detroit for over a year now. and so, he will join me in my move to the south. i can not tell you how much this means to me. that i do not have to walk this road alone and get to be accompained by my best friend. that i have found a person in my life commited to doing what is right even in the mist of huge sacrifice. that he takes on the responsibilty and the duty of my family as his own with love and care as if it were his own family. it need not even be said how radically different this is for me. coming from a relationship in which i spent one christmas with my family in a three year span. the only time, aside from my wedding, that we were around my family at all.
and so, this week will be and already is a whirlwind. we arrived late last night in detroit with about one week to pack up and move out. attempting to get back to atlanta as soon as possible for a multitude of reasons. to not pay out any more rent between our two places as possible which limits the money that is going out... considering we have my unemployement as the only source of income. to get jobs as soon as possible to get money coming in. and to be there for my family as my mom has classes starting back up the end of this week. it's a lot. it's heavy. so much to do and so litttle time.
the hardest thing is saying goodbye to all we love. i love detroit. i have found a family apart from blood in this town and leaving when it seems i JUST got back is hard. a luxury i am scarificing now for a period of time. i know that it won't be forever. i will be back to live. but for the next year, maybe two... my life lies in all the above things. there will be visists. this time will be different. not so far apart and not so short and i am going to do my darndest my freaking darndeest to stay in touch with everyone long distance. and to not do such a crappy job of staying in touch like the last time i left. and so. as i get a little emotional.. the real world calls me to do the real job of a butt-load of packing.
but this is what i know without a shadow of a doubt. that family comes first. that you take care of your family at all cost no matter what your or who your family looks like or is. and that this was the first time in my entire life that my mother called me to come and help her with my sister. that standing in the emergency room with my mother outside my sisters door and looking into her worn and weary eyes and realizing that she's given all she can give and she is asking for help - not just for a week or two.... but HELP. i've realized that my family has seen me evolve over the last 8 years from a distance and we have stayed in contact via the phone (at least me and my mom) but that there is much that a phone conversation or holiday visits don't convey. there is much they don't see or realize about me and me about them. that in reality my sister and i, the girl i used to protect from my dad, have lost each other. that her illness has kept her in a bed and hermit like and too sick to know me at all.. and me to know her. this is something that has grieved me a long time.
and then, i also know that i have no job. i have been looking here and applied few places as there isn't much to even apply to. or what is.. just doesn't pay enough to even cover my bills. my bills that i've even lowered over the last several months by several hundred dollars. and i know that the job economy is so much better in atlanta. 1. in job availiablity and 2. in the wages being paid for those jobs. i know cuz i've applied for about 50 of them. getting one potential bite... we will see (fingers crossed it's something good).
and thus, these are the two largest driving motivations behind this decision. there are a ton of small little things, as is with anything. pros and cons. advantages and disadvantages. benifits and then again huge scarifices. but in the end, this is the undeniable open door that has presented iteself that i am saying yes... i will walk through you.
in addition, there is thomas. my dear sweet thomas who has never lived more than 30 miles from the place he was born. he has become over the months the other half of me. and seperation by 800 miles would be unbearable. not to mention, he has been effected by the job economy in detroit for over a year now. and so, he will join me in my move to the south. i can not tell you how much this means to me. that i do not have to walk this road alone and get to be accompained by my best friend. that i have found a person in my life commited to doing what is right even in the mist of huge sacrifice. that he takes on the responsibilty and the duty of my family as his own with love and care as if it were his own family. it need not even be said how radically different this is for me. coming from a relationship in which i spent one christmas with my family in a three year span. the only time, aside from my wedding, that we were around my family at all.
and so, this week will be and already is a whirlwind. we arrived late last night in detroit with about one week to pack up and move out. attempting to get back to atlanta as soon as possible for a multitude of reasons. to not pay out any more rent between our two places as possible which limits the money that is going out... considering we have my unemployement as the only source of income. to get jobs as soon as possible to get money coming in. and to be there for my family as my mom has classes starting back up the end of this week. it's a lot. it's heavy. so much to do and so litttle time.
the hardest thing is saying goodbye to all we love. i love detroit. i have found a family apart from blood in this town and leaving when it seems i JUST got back is hard. a luxury i am scarificing now for a period of time. i know that it won't be forever. i will be back to live. but for the next year, maybe two... my life lies in all the above things. there will be visists. this time will be different. not so far apart and not so short and i am going to do my darndest my freaking darndeest to stay in touch with everyone long distance. and to not do such a crappy job of staying in touch like the last time i left. and so. as i get a little emotional.. the real world calls me to do the real job of a butt-load of packing.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
an overdue atlanta post
i've started an updating post a couple times now, over the last couple days... but.. didn't get farther than the title before i was interrupted or lost interest... so. here is another attempt. and so far, i've gotten farther than the title so i must be on a role.
so erin, my sister is out of the hospital. we had a bit of a scare on thursday night with her blood sugar dropping super low and a very green nurse not knowing how to adminster the glucose shot. so not cool. scared the crap out of me.
then my mom got erin out of the hospital on saturday morning and by saturday night we were back in the emergency room. they ran all the normal tests, gave fluids, gave mega drugs and then said there was no medical reason to admit her even though she was visibly sick... so they sent us home.
and we have been home since. all of this such a nut shell version of the events. it's been a pretty emotional rollercoaster. what i do know is that my mom is a very tired lady. having lived here and taken care of my sister for sooooooooooo oooooo oooooo many years alone, she's hitting her limit of what she can do. and that has led me to seriously question my part in this whole thing. i moved to detroit about 6 months before my mom and sister moved to atlanta. i went to school. fell in love with detroit. met so many cool people that essentially became my family away from my family and i have now lived almost 10 years away from my mom and sister. comin back for holidays and vacations for visists. my mom has always done well handling things. always managed to happily juggle everything and completely earned the award for the most amazing mom ever. i never felt like i was needed per say. i was always welcomed to move to atlanta and my mom has always said she would love to be near me again. but i never felt led to move per say. until now.
now my mom is tired. and visibly needs some help. if not help, just support. and so here i am now looking for jobs in atlanta. thomas is here too. giving me support and looking to move as well. the job economy has been so rough in detroit and with both of us jobless and a very big need arising in my family... we are seeing what we can do. so that is the scoop. it's been a little tryin. and a lot of questions.. are we doing the right thing? what is right? it's just such a big step... especially after i JUST moved from ludington. but alas, family is family and i believe that you take care of your family.
so erin, my sister is out of the hospital. we had a bit of a scare on thursday night with her blood sugar dropping super low and a very green nurse not knowing how to adminster the glucose shot. so not cool. scared the crap out of me.
then my mom got erin out of the hospital on saturday morning and by saturday night we were back in the emergency room. they ran all the normal tests, gave fluids, gave mega drugs and then said there was no medical reason to admit her even though she was visibly sick... so they sent us home.
and we have been home since. all of this such a nut shell version of the events. it's been a pretty emotional rollercoaster. what i do know is that my mom is a very tired lady. having lived here and taken care of my sister for sooooooooooo oooooo oooooo many years alone, she's hitting her limit of what she can do. and that has led me to seriously question my part in this whole thing. i moved to detroit about 6 months before my mom and sister moved to atlanta. i went to school. fell in love with detroit. met so many cool people that essentially became my family away from my family and i have now lived almost 10 years away from my mom and sister. comin back for holidays and vacations for visists. my mom has always done well handling things. always managed to happily juggle everything and completely earned the award for the most amazing mom ever. i never felt like i was needed per say. i was always welcomed to move to atlanta and my mom has always said she would love to be near me again. but i never felt led to move per say. until now.
now my mom is tired. and visibly needs some help. if not help, just support. and so here i am now looking for jobs in atlanta. thomas is here too. giving me support and looking to move as well. the job economy has been so rough in detroit and with both of us jobless and a very big need arising in my family... we are seeing what we can do. so that is the scoop. it's been a little tryin. and a lot of questions.. are we doing the right thing? what is right? it's just such a big step... especially after i JUST moved from ludington. but alas, family is family and i believe that you take care of your family.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
The Ride in Music Reflections
We had the Phoenix trip recapped in pictures - made up pictures at that. and now we have Atlanta brought to you in songs heard on the radio and the rambling memories they brought. We have the top 9 songs of the trip countdown (because 10 is over-rated):
9. Phil Collins - Paradise
1. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
9. Phil Collins - Paradise
First of all i have an undying love for Phil Collins.. how can you not love man? Second, i have an undying love for Phil Collins.8. Tom Petty - I Won't Back down
Tom Petty brings me to the last quarter at Cedarville with my ladies. It was Ms. Gina that introduced me to Live and Tom Petty and we must of listened to Mary Jane a million times as we drove between Xenia and the 'ville. Since then "T.P." has always had a special part in my heart.7. Semisonic - Closing Time
The song came out the year before i graduated high school and this particular day on the radio on, once again, a drive between Xenia and the 'ville with my first roommate of the 'ville experience. I had an extremely difficult time adjusting to life at the ville and being so far away from home. It was fall and i remember staring out the window getting lost in the passing trees and really listening to the lyrics hoping that they were true. that as one door closed another would open and that i would soon find my place at Cedarville and college and life. I did eventually. But the song brought back that seemingly innocent drive (and it was) that day.6. Nelly Furtado - I'm Like a Bird
I was first introduced to Nelly by Shinn. I think it was one of the many occasions while i lived with the cult that he called and said. I'm coming over in 5 min be ready. and we went up to a Billy T's. [apparently doing homework on friday night was unacceptable to him.] We were drivin back from the event, i feeling particularly low... who knows why - probalby a result of one of my most recent stupid decisions. and he popped in his new Nelly Furtado cd. i was captivated. when he dropped me off, i borrowed the cd and sat in my room listening to it over and over and reading the lyrics to soak it all up. i loved it. loved it.5. Marcy Playground - Sex & Candy
ohh high school, i remember driving around in leona's car and singing at the top of our lungs. driving the drag! ha! for those not familar with my "high school drag" it was sonic, down one of the main roads to main street, turning around in the gas station and then back... like a 4 mile one stop light drag. small life i'm telling you.4. Journey - Separate Ways
love journey ... how can you not! Lordy i'm a product of the 80's i tell you. I went and saw them in concert with a large cult group including the bests it was great. We listened to the CD all the way to Pine Knob and pretty much got a contact high from the pot being smoked around us. such good times.3. Heart - All i Wanna do Is Make love to You
again. love heart. and again... a reminder of the Cedarville days. The second roomie of the year loved heart and introduced me to the group. We used to crank it in the dorm and dance around. This one was one of my favorites and as i left the 'ville to go back home i made a mix tape of all the great songs that defined my time there. This was one of them. It's not played on the radio often...so a real jem when i happened across it on the drive to Atlanta.2. Old Crow Medicine Show - Wagon Wheel
This one might be cheating a little bit. All the other songs were on the radio and complete happenstance. Where as, this one... was on a cd i brought with me. But i am soooo loving this song these days. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, i am determined to memorize the darn thing. i love songs with lots of lyrics and the sound of the song is great... i must have listened to this song 30 times, easy in the last 48 hours. i just keep going over and over it and it never gets old. I don't know why some songs are that way. Another one of those was, Matchbox 20's, Unwell which also got played 30 or more times on a former trip to Atlanta.and now... without further adieu...
1. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
it's classic. bottom line. but the memory attached was one recently formed within the last year. On my last trip to Atlanta back in March, i gave a ride back to my very proper Aunt to detroit. I love my aunt to pieces as we are much alike. But she is slightly on the proper side. and i was playing through my mp3 music and on comes Bohemian Rhapsody.. and we drove along singing together at the top of our lungs and as loud as the radio would go... "Mama... i just killed a man... " an awesome memory.
In Atlanta
i had this great post that i formed in my head as i was driving.. and i may still do it. but right now, i just don't have the energy. i sat at the hospital all day. i took a nap and did nothing and yet i am exhausted.
here is a picture of harp that makes me smile. she is laying her head on my lap in the car on the drive down. she's my sweet girl.
here is a picture of harp that makes me smile. she is laying her head on my lap in the car on the drive down. she's my sweet girl.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Preparing to Leave Again
My sister intially went into the hospital because she was dehydrated as a complication to not being able to keep anything down. They admitted for the week to 1.) figure out why she was so sick and not able to keep food or water in and 2.) to rehydrate her after a long stint of not being able to do so. Once this was accomplished she was released on Friday.
By Friday afternoon, she was having terrible leg cramps and charlie horses mostly in her legs, but effecting her entire body... including her head. Who know a head could have muscle spasms? She was readmitted to the hospital- actually ICU - this time because once she arrived at the hospital she was "DKA". Diabetic Ketoacidosis. They put her on an i.v. of insulin to try and regulate her. Yesterday afternoon she was moved from ICU to a regular room and awaiting news on what comes next. Today she still has muscle spasms which no one yet seems to know why.
And thus, with this going on and my mom continuing to teach classes and attempt to work on her Doctoral Thesis, she has asked me to come down and help. So tomorrow in the morning i leave for yet another trip away from home. I am not expected to return until Oct.
So today, is preparing for this. *sigh* i feel like i am always leaving these days.
By Friday afternoon, she was having terrible leg cramps and charlie horses mostly in her legs, but effecting her entire body... including her head. Who know a head could have muscle spasms? She was readmitted to the hospital- actually ICU - this time because once she arrived at the hospital she was "DKA". Diabetic Ketoacidosis. They put her on an i.v. of insulin to try and regulate her. Yesterday afternoon she was moved from ICU to a regular room and awaiting news on what comes next. Today she still has muscle spasms which no one yet seems to know why.
And thus, with this going on and my mom continuing to teach classes and attempt to work on her Doctoral Thesis, she has asked me to come down and help. So tomorrow in the morning i leave for yet another trip away from home. I am not expected to return until Oct.
So today, is preparing for this. *sigh* i feel like i am always leaving these days.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Views on the Ride and a failed Hike
So on my drive, i passed some cool things and used my handy little phone to document my trip.... visually. preparing for this post. so i get home (i'm back in Michigan now) . and go to upload my pictures, and BAM! they are deleted. long story short my "synchornizing" settings deleted them upon impact. they never had a chance. sooo i have searched the web and done my best to recreate my ride in picture form. all pictures are stolen and chosen because they were the closest thing i could find to the ACTUAL pictures i once had. so enjoy. the trip in images.
I know. it's a well known image... the arch in St. Louis. my picture was similar... a rainy day and blue tones. super cool.
Everyone knows that i hate Oklahoma. However, there were these fields of giant windmills. it was a particularly striking image. completely flat land with towering beasts churning away.
In Oklahoma City i picked up I-40. And i traveled it for 852 miles. Going through Amarillo, and across the entire state of New Mexico. This is the scenary the entire drive. Very typical Southwest look, but when you are ACTUALLY driving through these bad boys you feel amazingly small. totally surreal.
Moby got sick on the last day of travel. We had to stop a lot and i took pity on him and let him sit in my lap while i drove. He was pretty pathetic.
So the highlight of my drive was passing the BBC election 08 bus. I know this sounds completely retarded but - one. British people are cool. and two. i have been completely sucked into the presidential race like never before. who knows why. maybe cuz i'm older. maybe because thomas is more into politics so we talk a lot about it. or maybe because this is the FIRST time since i was born that my birthday falls on election tuesday on a presidential election year. I was born the day Reagan was voted into office. anyways. it kicked butt that i saw them.
So it gets a little silly about now. S & B convinced me we should go hiking. and this sounded like a great idea since i had sat for three days straight in a car and added countless pounds since i had eaten crap food, as well. This is the "small" mountain that was to be the "prep" climb to a planned
trip up Camelback - a serious hike... and um. needless to say... i didn't even make it to the top... but they did! goooo them!
Um... ya... below... that is camelback. big.
like i said. i did NOT make it to the top of Thunderbird Mountain. the mountain that was suppose to be a 20 min hike up and 20 min down. i don't know if i was out of shape. (probably). or the heat (105 degress that day). the altitude... um it was high and the air was thin. all i know is my body protested... BIG. the REALLY discouraging thing, was that 5 minutes after i told B&S to go ahead without me... i would wait for them right where i was.... i kid you not... a 7 month prego lady RUNS up the mountain. boy did i ever feel like i sucked.
and this concludes the tour.
I know. it's a well known image... the arch in St. Louis. my picture was similar... a rainy day and blue tones. super cool.
Everyone knows that i hate Oklahoma. However, there were these fields of giant windmills. it was a particularly striking image. completely flat land with towering beasts churning away.
In Oklahoma City i picked up I-40. And i traveled it for 852 miles. Going through Amarillo, and across the entire state of New Mexico. This is the scenary the entire drive. Very typical Southwest look, but when you are ACTUALLY driving through these bad boys you feel amazingly small. totally surreal.
Moby got sick on the last day of travel. We had to stop a lot and i took pity on him and let him sit in my lap while i drove. He was pretty pathetic.
So the highlight of my drive was passing the BBC election 08 bus. I know this sounds completely retarded but - one. British people are cool. and two. i have been completely sucked into the presidential race like never before. who knows why. maybe cuz i'm older. maybe because thomas is more into politics so we talk a lot about it. or maybe because this is the FIRST time since i was born that my birthday falls on election tuesday on a presidential election year. I was born the day Reagan was voted into office. anyways. it kicked butt that i saw them.
So it gets a little silly about now. S & B convinced me we should go hiking. and this sounded like a great idea since i had sat for three days straight in a car and added countless pounds since i had eaten crap food, as well. This is the "small" mountain that was to be the "prep" climb to a planned
trip up Camelback - a serious hike... and um. needless to say... i didn't even make it to the top... but they did! goooo them!Um... ya... below... that is camelback. big.
like i said. i did NOT make it to the top of Thunderbird Mountain. the mountain that was suppose to be a 20 min hike up and 20 min down. i don't know if i was out of shape. (probably). or the heat (105 degress that day). the altitude... um it was high and the air was thin. all i know is my body protested... BIG. the REALLY discouraging thing, was that 5 minutes after i told B&S to go ahead without me... i would wait for them right where i was.... i kid you not... a 7 month prego lady RUNS up the mountain. boy did i ever feel like i sucked.
and this concludes the tour.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
bumps in the road
i have safely arrived in phoenix, arizona. tired and quite simply exhausted from three days of driving... i pretty much collapsed. i did, however, have a few interesting little stories of complications on my little journey.
it first started with the hated state of oklahoma. anyone who knows me knows that being from texas it is inbred in me to hate oklahoma. its a football thing. so as i travel this horrible state of flatness and desolateness and network of horrible toll roads with no exits... i come across the 19th toll of the day. having the foresight of this already, i have been saving and collecting my small bills and change. Hoooowever... i come to this last toll and i am out of change. i need $1.00 and i have $.80. There are two toll booths... but no people. to "accomodate" this situation the "great" state has decided to put change machines infront of the toll collecting booth so you can make change. however, on this day... their lousy machine is not working. now tell me what do YOU do.. when you have no money, are on a toll, the equipment is working and there are cars piling up behind you honking in anger when you are faced with sitting at a toll for the rest of your life or going forward and breaking a law???? what i did, was panic and start through anything i could at the darn machine... okay not anything... but pennies. hoping it toooo might malfunction and decided to count them towards the $.80 i had already dumped in there. and then, in a moment of desperation my eye caught a phone number on the machine... and i called it. telling them my situation, and that i had no idea what to do. so in case you ever find yourself in this situation... this is what you do. you call the number. you give them the number of the machine. you write the number down so you can call them the next day and figure out how to pay your toll. it only reinforced my thoughts and feelings on how horrible oklahoma is.
the next day, friday morning i wake. and find myself depleted of cash from two days of travel and tolls. so i do what any normal person does and goes to the first atm i can find, disregarding any fees and attempt to get cash. and the stupid thing ATE my atm card. so i calm myself, walk into the bank hoping they can just open the little machine and give me back my atm card. and the woman inside informs me that 1) they do not have a key... a seperate company manages the machine 2.) the company will not be there till late in the day and 3.) the likelyhood of my card NOT being shredded is pretty much slim to none. so here i am, in amarillo. no cash. about 800 miles from phoenix. 1200 miles from home with no cash. and facing a drive through the desert with pretty much one city between there and flagstaff - 600 miles away. yep. i needed cash. luckily, i had grabbed my checkbook just "incase" i might need it. and i needed it. the bank was nice enough to cash me a check for cash and get me back on the road with lots of apologies. i still have to call my bank, cancel my debit card and order a new one which will take a couple weeks to get. but at least i was able to get back on the road with only an hour and half delay.
but THEN i realized i had left my phone charger in the hotel and that i would HAVE to go back for it. yuck. pretty much at this point i was thinking texas MUST be taking revenge on me for having left its borders. it was punshment for leaving and moving north.
and then back on the road, getting on the exit to the great I-40 which i drove for over 800 miles across the country... a stupid texan driver STOPS on the entrance ramp. WHAT?!?!!?!? she stops. doesn't merge and waits for the traffic to clear. by this time, i was so ready to leave texas it wasn't funny.
all things considered - it was a good trip. i saw a huge part of our country. was exposed to lots of radio talk shows and small town americas opinions on the political race. and have a great story when i'm 80 years old and rocking on the porch to tell my grandkids about the time i drove over 2,000 miles across the country by myself.
it first started with the hated state of oklahoma. anyone who knows me knows that being from texas it is inbred in me to hate oklahoma. its a football thing. so as i travel this horrible state of flatness and desolateness and network of horrible toll roads with no exits... i come across the 19th toll of the day. having the foresight of this already, i have been saving and collecting my small bills and change. Hoooowever... i come to this last toll and i am out of change. i need $1.00 and i have $.80. There are two toll booths... but no people. to "accomodate" this situation the "great" state has decided to put change machines infront of the toll collecting booth so you can make change. however, on this day... their lousy machine is not working. now tell me what do YOU do.. when you have no money, are on a toll, the equipment is working and there are cars piling up behind you honking in anger when you are faced with sitting at a toll for the rest of your life or going forward and breaking a law???? what i did, was panic and start through anything i could at the darn machine... okay not anything... but pennies. hoping it toooo might malfunction and decided to count them towards the $.80 i had already dumped in there. and then, in a moment of desperation my eye caught a phone number on the machine... and i called it. telling them my situation, and that i had no idea what to do. so in case you ever find yourself in this situation... this is what you do. you call the number. you give them the number of the machine. you write the number down so you can call them the next day and figure out how to pay your toll. it only reinforced my thoughts and feelings on how horrible oklahoma is.
the next day, friday morning i wake. and find myself depleted of cash from two days of travel and tolls. so i do what any normal person does and goes to the first atm i can find, disregarding any fees and attempt to get cash. and the stupid thing ATE my atm card. so i calm myself, walk into the bank hoping they can just open the little machine and give me back my atm card. and the woman inside informs me that 1) they do not have a key... a seperate company manages the machine 2.) the company will not be there till late in the day and 3.) the likelyhood of my card NOT being shredded is pretty much slim to none. so here i am, in amarillo. no cash. about 800 miles from phoenix. 1200 miles from home with no cash. and facing a drive through the desert with pretty much one city between there and flagstaff - 600 miles away. yep. i needed cash. luckily, i had grabbed my checkbook just "incase" i might need it. and i needed it. the bank was nice enough to cash me a check for cash and get me back on the road with lots of apologies. i still have to call my bank, cancel my debit card and order a new one which will take a couple weeks to get. but at least i was able to get back on the road with only an hour and half delay.
but THEN i realized i had left my phone charger in the hotel and that i would HAVE to go back for it. yuck. pretty much at this point i was thinking texas MUST be taking revenge on me for having left its borders. it was punshment for leaving and moving north.
and then back on the road, getting on the exit to the great I-40 which i drove for over 800 miles across the country... a stupid texan driver STOPS on the entrance ramp. WHAT?!?!!?!? she stops. doesn't merge and waits for the traffic to clear. by this time, i was so ready to leave texas it wasn't funny.
all things considered - it was a good trip. i saw a huge part of our country. was exposed to lots of radio talk shows and small town americas opinions on the political race. and have a great story when i'm 80 years old and rocking on the porch to tell my grandkids about the time i drove over 2,000 miles across the country by myself.
Friday, September 5, 2008
A Language of Being
so, as these things go... in a flash i am on my way to phoenix, az. driving 2,000 + miles in the course of 2 and 1/2 - 3 days to deliver the friends pup - the great mob-ster. this is day 3 of my trip as i blog from Amarillo, TX. (go texas). so much driving has given me time to think and drive and listen to sub-par books on tape.
on Wednesday evening, i found myself wishing i had chosen to bring my serious read "Soul Mate" by Thomas Moore instead of my silly read... "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - 2". "Soul Mate" sounds like a title of book that goes with a mushy read of flowers an fluff. This is not, however, what this books hold. It's the follow up book to "Care of the Soul" and speaks about the language of the soul particular in relationship... and not mushy relationships but just relationships of all kinds. It is filled with lots of mystic language, because after all - a soul IS a difficulty thing to put into words. There seems to be lots of greek myths mentioned... needless it's a bit interesting.
but i found myself wanting to read this as i drove, because the soul is a funny thing. i mean it completely has NO brain. it can not be reasoned with. its just this essence that seems to flow from you and you get feelings but there is no words for them... they just come. sometimes you get images or remember things, and your mind says to you... "why are you feeling THIS about THAT??? we've already worked through THAT and you are over it." but your soul is like "whateva whateva... i'll do what i want". (ha!) and all you can do, like a child that just won't cooperate is let the soul sit and flow until it lines up with your mind. and occasionally shake your head at the ridiculousness of what it wants to hash up.
road trips are good for soul flowing, i think. because you drive, you physically are "flowing" down the road. a song comes on that triggers a thought a memory... you feel it and then move on to the next spontaneous thing that bubbles it up. in the course of a normal day, life just gets to busy to deal with all these little spontaneous thoughts. so we have the tendency to push them aside, shove them down, not take the time to think about them (at least i am guilty of this) and go along our day because there are just things we have to do. and i think sometimes, our soul gets full and it overflows with life unprocessed and if not processed will just make us sick. i think i've gotten there recently. and so this trip has been good for me. i can't even tell you what i've thought about... because it happens in a glimpse, it a split of a second. an indescribable feeling that you feel that has no rational thought. all i know is that at the end of a long road trip like this one... i just feel better. i feel lighter. i feel fresher. it is the mystery of the soul... a language of being.
Random fact: a paper less crayon can only bare 4 lbs of weight before it will snap... but a papered crayon (with wrapper) can bare up to 8 lbs before snapping.
on Wednesday evening, i found myself wishing i had chosen to bring my serious read "Soul Mate" by Thomas Moore instead of my silly read... "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - 2". "Soul Mate" sounds like a title of book that goes with a mushy read of flowers an fluff. This is not, however, what this books hold. It's the follow up book to "Care of the Soul" and speaks about the language of the soul particular in relationship... and not mushy relationships but just relationships of all kinds. It is filled with lots of mystic language, because after all - a soul IS a difficulty thing to put into words. There seems to be lots of greek myths mentioned... needless it's a bit interesting.
but i found myself wanting to read this as i drove, because the soul is a funny thing. i mean it completely has NO brain. it can not be reasoned with. its just this essence that seems to flow from you and you get feelings but there is no words for them... they just come. sometimes you get images or remember things, and your mind says to you... "why are you feeling THIS about THAT??? we've already worked through THAT and you are over it." but your soul is like "whateva whateva... i'll do what i want". (ha!) and all you can do, like a child that just won't cooperate is let the soul sit and flow until it lines up with your mind. and occasionally shake your head at the ridiculousness of what it wants to hash up.
road trips are good for soul flowing, i think. because you drive, you physically are "flowing" down the road. a song comes on that triggers a thought a memory... you feel it and then move on to the next spontaneous thing that bubbles it up. in the course of a normal day, life just gets to busy to deal with all these little spontaneous thoughts. so we have the tendency to push them aside, shove them down, not take the time to think about them (at least i am guilty of this) and go along our day because there are just things we have to do. and i think sometimes, our soul gets full and it overflows with life unprocessed and if not processed will just make us sick. i think i've gotten there recently. and so this trip has been good for me. i can't even tell you what i've thought about... because it happens in a glimpse, it a split of a second. an indescribable feeling that you feel that has no rational thought. all i know is that at the end of a long road trip like this one... i just feel better. i feel lighter. i feel fresher. it is the mystery of the soul... a language of being.
Random fact: a paper less crayon can only bare 4 lbs of weight before it will snap... but a papered crayon (with wrapper) can bare up to 8 lbs before snapping.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Why I moved to the D-town
i get a decent amount of questions or questionable looks when people hear that i'm from texas but i think of detroit at home. that not only did i make the trek to the metro area a little over 8 years ago. but that i also came back after my divorce. i could have gone anywhere... namely, atlanta where my mom lives. or back to texas where 80% of my family is. however, my heart was here in detroit. and the last week has served nothing but reinforcement of that decision. as i mentioned in my last blog, i've been pretty sick. i finally went to the doctor (read urgent care since i have no insurance).
in the weeks leading up to my 12 hour visit to the u of m complex, thomas has been amazing. being incredibly supportive and putting up with my whiny, whiny ways. and i assure you... i can be whiny when i am sick. but he has been a champ. including waiting with me in the e.r. and giving updates to kristy and my mom.
the following day of the e.r. trip, seemed filled with a million phone calls. my mom. every individual of the smallish clan (and there are 8 folks!!). im-ing with lor. i even had a call from the miss samantha (although it was completely unrelated). i was struck with how many people in my life love me. how many people in my life i am so blessed and fortunate to know. i don't think i can even take in the full impact of the whole thing. because a glimpse of it seems to blow me away.
so i found myself curled up in bed, exhausted and feeling rather puky thinking... this, THIS is why i moved to detroit.
in the weeks leading up to my 12 hour visit to the u of m complex, thomas has been amazing. being incredibly supportive and putting up with my whiny, whiny ways. and i assure you... i can be whiny when i am sick. but he has been a champ. including waiting with me in the e.r. and giving updates to kristy and my mom.
the following day of the e.r. trip, seemed filled with a million phone calls. my mom. every individual of the smallish clan (and there are 8 folks!!). im-ing with lor. i even had a call from the miss samantha (although it was completely unrelated). i was struck with how many people in my life love me. how many people in my life i am so blessed and fortunate to know. i don't think i can even take in the full impact of the whole thing. because a glimpse of it seems to blow me away.
so i found myself curled up in bed, exhausted and feeling rather puky thinking... this, THIS is why i moved to detroit.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
kicked when down
so it's been a bit. and i haven't fallen off the world. promise. well, maybe i did for a bit. but for the evening i've rejoined.
the past week i've been yuckily sick with mysterious sickness of no name. just symptoms of fever, backpain, and the amazing ability to sleep 17 hours a day (and other random irritations i will not mention). i really think sleeping this much is really quite a talent. i heard on CNN several weeks ago that NASA was running tests on sleeping and looking for volunteers to live in bed for three months straight and they weren't allowed to get up. i think this week, i would have been a fine candidate for such testing. The report said it was paying quite a bit for people who willing to stay in bed for three months.... and with the new status of jobless, this could come in handy. maybe i'll look into that for a new job... NASA volunteer. could look good on the resume. its' an option.
so we will rewind to the week after i got home from Arkansas and before i became ill and couch ridden. that week i spent feeling empowered. having spent that first weekend in shock and depression that for the first time in my life i had been let go from a job. been told my services were no longer needed. the last thing remaining from my "old" life of marriedom... i got to my feet determined to kick some job finding butt. and one thing stood in the way... a laptop cord that had a unrepairable short that caused it to REFUSE to work. i could jiggle. i could hold. i could do a little dance and pray and beg for it work... and it would not. it might as well been snapped in half. this little problem was discovered while i was still in Arkansas and trying to be proactive and on top of things ordered a new one over the net with "free shipping". if only they said... it's free but it will take an ungodly amount of time for us to get it to you because we send it around the world on a vacation before you get it. but they didn't. and it took over a week and a half to get the cord. a week and a half in which i was empowered to find a new job, with no ACTUAL way to search for one since my only means of technology only has a two hour battery time that had run out days before. not to mention, my little laptop friend holds all my top secret files... like my resume and my super duper cover letter.
so i tried to be resourceful and go to the library... but you can do very little in one hour increments. but i do now have an ypsi library card (go me!). i also successfully and quite humbly applied for unemployment. i thought i was not eligible... apparently i was wrong. this was good news as it will give me a little more time to find a job and not lose the roof over my head. so with the job stuff on temporary hold since i didn't actually have access to my resume, i spent this week to finally put my apartment together. i hung pictures. i went through my files and filed. i organized. i threw out 6 boxes of crap. i painted a table (which turned out great i might say) and i changed my address with the post office. i simply worked my butt off around the apartment. and then... i got sick. the cord did come the beginning of last week, but too sick to ACTUALLY use it. so. that brings us up to date.
so with any luck... i will stay well. who knows, i seem to be sick a lot and i'm pretty sure that even if this "spell" is over. i need to take actions to get to a doctor. this is not my forte. not a big doctor person. but i think it's time this changes.
the past week i've been yuckily sick with mysterious sickness of no name. just symptoms of fever, backpain, and the amazing ability to sleep 17 hours a day (and other random irritations i will not mention). i really think sleeping this much is really quite a talent. i heard on CNN several weeks ago that NASA was running tests on sleeping and looking for volunteers to live in bed for three months straight and they weren't allowed to get up. i think this week, i would have been a fine candidate for such testing. The report said it was paying quite a bit for people who willing to stay in bed for three months.... and with the new status of jobless, this could come in handy. maybe i'll look into that for a new job... NASA volunteer. could look good on the resume. its' an option.
so we will rewind to the week after i got home from Arkansas and before i became ill and couch ridden. that week i spent feeling empowered. having spent that first weekend in shock and depression that for the first time in my life i had been let go from a job. been told my services were no longer needed. the last thing remaining from my "old" life of marriedom... i got to my feet determined to kick some job finding butt. and one thing stood in the way... a laptop cord that had a unrepairable short that caused it to REFUSE to work. i could jiggle. i could hold. i could do a little dance and pray and beg for it work... and it would not. it might as well been snapped in half. this little problem was discovered while i was still in Arkansas and trying to be proactive and on top of things ordered a new one over the net with "free shipping". if only they said... it's free but it will take an ungodly amount of time for us to get it to you because we send it around the world on a vacation before you get it. but they didn't. and it took over a week and a half to get the cord. a week and a half in which i was empowered to find a new job, with no ACTUAL way to search for one since my only means of technology only has a two hour battery time that had run out days before. not to mention, my little laptop friend holds all my top secret files... like my resume and my super duper cover letter.
so i tried to be resourceful and go to the library... but you can do very little in one hour increments. but i do now have an ypsi library card (go me!). i also successfully and quite humbly applied for unemployment. i thought i was not eligible... apparently i was wrong. this was good news as it will give me a little more time to find a job and not lose the roof over my head. so with the job stuff on temporary hold since i didn't actually have access to my resume, i spent this week to finally put my apartment together. i hung pictures. i went through my files and filed. i organized. i threw out 6 boxes of crap. i painted a table (which turned out great i might say) and i changed my address with the post office. i simply worked my butt off around the apartment. and then... i got sick. the cord did come the beginning of last week, but too sick to ACTUALLY use it. so. that brings us up to date.
so with any luck... i will stay well. who knows, i seem to be sick a lot and i'm pretty sure that even if this "spell" is over. i need to take actions to get to a doctor. this is not my forte. not a big doctor person. but i think it's time this changes.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
hell in a hand basket
so friday seems like it can not come fast enough. here i am in arkansas... just trying to squeak in the last bit of work before i am most officially gone.
on top of it all, my laptop cord has a short in it that is completely unfixable with electric tape or the fix-any-problem duct tape and thus i have had to order a new one... sent to home in Michigan. which means that my resume and all things on my laptop are not accessible until i get home. which means, hunting for a job this week is out of the picture.
all in all, i am in good spirits today. somehow we decided to have a pot luck here in the office for lunch today. i like to think of it the "we're all going to hell in a hand basket... might as well, be fat" luncheon. so i better go get my food because if i here one more hick say in deep southern ozark slang "c'me on erica!" i might get violent.
on top of it all, my laptop cord has a short in it that is completely unfixable with electric tape or the fix-any-problem duct tape and thus i have had to order a new one... sent to home in Michigan. which means that my resume and all things on my laptop are not accessible until i get home. which means, hunting for a job this week is out of the picture.
all in all, i am in good spirits today. somehow we decided to have a pot luck here in the office for lunch today. i like to think of it the "we're all going to hell in a hand basket... might as well, be fat" luncheon. so i better go get my food because if i here one more hick say in deep southern ozark slang "c'me on erica!" i might get violent.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Pink Slips
I just received the official word. as of friday, i have no work. i am told to check back to see "just in case there is something" in a week or so. but i know there won't be.
so here is to joblessness.
so here is to joblessness.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
What goes Up must come Down
This week on the job scene has been an interesting one to say the least. And everything pretty came to a head at about 4 o'clock central time on Friday (yesterday). The basic version is that the client we work for in Arkansas has complained about expenses and wants us to cut back on that in whole. Rumor has it they have an auditor fine tooth combing everything we have done and do. In response to this, many of the people who work out of the state of Arkansas and have work shipped to them are being told there is no longer any work for them on this project. When you are an independent contractor this is the polite language one uses to say you are "laid off".
I was told i was safe. How much stock i held in that, was not much, but knew all i could do was sit back and ride what there is to ride. However, the client this week began stopping work that was in progress. Twice this week, in the middle of working, i was told to stop immediately what i was doing and box it up. It would not be needed. And it is not just me that was stopped but at least 5 other examiners, as well.
So then i began helping the office manager assessing what work there was to do. and what people needed work. After doing this, the resounding conclusion was... all work that was still approved to do at this point, was in a county i am unable to work in from Detroit. No one has looked at me and said... we have no work for you. but i'm a smart cookie. when i leave from here on friday, aside from a miracle... i will be told "there is no work for me".
Our company does work in multiple states and there are other projects i could go to. Mostly the one that seems to have openings is in Pennsylvania. However, i would more than likely be asked to move there. I do not want to move Pennsylvania. I do not want to move anywhere. I want to be Detroit with my friends and my amazing boyfriend. and thus, clear as mud... come friday... i have no work.
So if anyone knows of jobs opening in the detroit area... please, please, please give me a heads up. i am very discouraged about the prospect of finding another job. I looked and looked several months ago and i couldn't seem to even get an interview. Which is frustrating, because i am a good worker and loyal and dedicated. I'm a smart cookie and i can handle a lot.
today is going to be filled with balancing the checkbook and going over the budget to see how small of an amount of money i can manage to get by on. and of course, looking online at job postings. i hate. hate. hate. applying for jobs online on stupid applications. it seems all the rage and they only make me go into a rage. but i guess it is what i have to do.
I was told i was safe. How much stock i held in that, was not much, but knew all i could do was sit back and ride what there is to ride. However, the client this week began stopping work that was in progress. Twice this week, in the middle of working, i was told to stop immediately what i was doing and box it up. It would not be needed. And it is not just me that was stopped but at least 5 other examiners, as well.
So then i began helping the office manager assessing what work there was to do. and what people needed work. After doing this, the resounding conclusion was... all work that was still approved to do at this point, was in a county i am unable to work in from Detroit. No one has looked at me and said... we have no work for you. but i'm a smart cookie. when i leave from here on friday, aside from a miracle... i will be told "there is no work for me".
Our company does work in multiple states and there are other projects i could go to. Mostly the one that seems to have openings is in Pennsylvania. However, i would more than likely be asked to move there. I do not want to move Pennsylvania. I do not want to move anywhere. I want to be Detroit with my friends and my amazing boyfriend. and thus, clear as mud... come friday... i have no work.
So if anyone knows of jobs opening in the detroit area... please, please, please give me a heads up. i am very discouraged about the prospect of finding another job. I looked and looked several months ago and i couldn't seem to even get an interview. Which is frustrating, because i am a good worker and loyal and dedicated. I'm a smart cookie and i can handle a lot.
today is going to be filled with balancing the checkbook and going over the budget to see how small of an amount of money i can manage to get by on. and of course, looking online at job postings. i hate. hate. hate. applying for jobs online on stupid applications. it seems all the rage and they only make me go into a rage. but i guess it is what i have to do.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Spontaneous Swimming
yesterday a couple of co-workers and i went out on Greers Ferry Lake. I thought it was going to be just a short little boat ride around the lake and then call it good. It was already a quarter after 7 and so how late could we really be gone anyways?
well... we went out a little ways on the lake. and just let the boat sit... and we sat and talked about the adventures of the day (and there have been many adventures). and then with the heat wave, etc.... swimming commenced. and it seemed once we started, we just didn't stop. we swam or tread water or floated for almost 3 hours in the lake. talking. listening to the radio. and just relaxing.
the sun went down and the stars began to come out and off in the distance over a mountain a lightening storm commenced. and so we drifted along in the water watching the scenery. it was amazingly lovely and mostly relaxing.
i do think i might have wore myself out a bit as i went directly to bed without showering, washing my face, or even taking my damp clothes off. but i woke up with no tension... at least until i got to work this morning.
well... we went out a little ways on the lake. and just let the boat sit... and we sat and talked about the adventures of the day (and there have been many adventures). and then with the heat wave, etc.... swimming commenced. and it seemed once we started, we just didn't stop. we swam or tread water or floated for almost 3 hours in the lake. talking. listening to the radio. and just relaxing.
the sun went down and the stars began to come out and off in the distance over a mountain a lightening storm commenced. and so we drifted along in the water watching the scenery. it was amazingly lovely and mostly relaxing.
i do think i might have wore myself out a bit as i went directly to bed without showering, washing my face, or even taking my damp clothes off. but i woke up with no tension... at least until i got to work this morning.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
My alone time - Sacrificed
so upon getting to work and attempting to get a hotel for the rest of my stay, i find out there is a room available but there is nothing in town for the last night. so the office manager lets me stay in her spare 'oom last night. which is cool we cooked out and another co-worker popped over who is from Brighton. and it was lovely. however, both insist. INSIST. that i stay up there and "live" a little while i am here and not work so much.
i had originally planned for this two weeks to be a time of contemplation, reflection, and questioning. searching for answers to what i realized in the last week is a lot of questions about my world views that i just didn't know about.
so now, with the insistence that i stay up where everyone lives and stays... how do i say. that is lovely, but i'm soul searching in my free time. *sigh* trust me. it doesn't work so well.
to say the least i am a bit bummed. but i think i will have to find ways to have time alone and think and read regardless. perhaps if i get up early and go to bed early... i can read and have those moments of thought and contemplation. it will make it more difficult.
i had originally planned for this two weeks to be a time of contemplation, reflection, and questioning. searching for answers to what i realized in the last week is a lot of questions about my world views that i just didn't know about.
so now, with the insistence that i stay up where everyone lives and stays... how do i say. that is lovely, but i'm soul searching in my free time. *sigh* trust me. it doesn't work so well.
to say the least i am a bit bummed. but i think i will have to find ways to have time alone and think and read regardless. perhaps if i get up early and go to bed early... i can read and have those moments of thought and contemplation. it will make it more difficult.
i have been pondering about sacrifice the last several days. what does it mean? what place should it take in your life? what does it look like? how do you know if it's too much? too little? i tend to be a bit on the masochistic side of life. i take pain well. and can suck up just about anything. and so sacrifice tends to be something comfortable for me... but i am realizing. questioning. where the balance lies. there will be more on this to come. but a little insight into some of the things i'm pondering.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Third Times a Charm
and yet again i am *gasp* in arkansas!
this is my third trip this summer. this time it's only been two weeks since my last trip. two weeks to settle into the new apartment. needless to say - not much settling happening. but i am taking deep breathes and taking it for what it is. nothing i can do about it.
however, i do have too say i am riding one lucky wave of rental cars. I always, always, always shop every rental car place for the cheapest rates and always choose the economy car... i figure i own a Chevy Aveo... why not rent one? and thus far, i have gotten nothing but lucky. on the first trip i was upgraded to a Saturn Vue. Even the boss, was jealous. The second trip, a Volkswagon Rabbit... i was rocking it, i'm telling you. And this time, i kid you not... she looks for the keys to the pathetic little Aveo... and says.. "oh, no cars... do you mind the convertible p.t. cruiser?"... hmmm... let me think about this. My work pays the gas, since it's a work trip. I rented the cheapest car i could and you don't have one. and i could spend two weeks tooling around the ozarks with the wind blowing through my hair.... it was a hard choice. let me tell you.
i am beyond amused at my luck. i smiled all the way to the hotel. this time since my flight was late. (i hate southwest). i just snagged a room outside of little rock. i will drive the rest of the way in the morning. (it's an hour and half drive easy).
this week has been a crazy week. read CRAZY WEEK. perhaps blogging for another day.
this is my third trip this summer. this time it's only been two weeks since my last trip. two weeks to settle into the new apartment. needless to say - not much settling happening. but i am taking deep breathes and taking it for what it is. nothing i can do about it.
however, i do have too say i am riding one lucky wave of rental cars. I always, always, always shop every rental car place for the cheapest rates and always choose the economy car... i figure i own a Chevy Aveo... why not rent one? and thus far, i have gotten nothing but lucky. on the first trip i was upgraded to a Saturn Vue. Even the boss, was jealous. The second trip, a Volkswagon Rabbit... i was rocking it, i'm telling you. And this time, i kid you not... she looks for the keys to the pathetic little Aveo... and says.. "oh, no cars... do you mind the convertible p.t. cruiser?"... hmmm... let me think about this. My work pays the gas, since it's a work trip. I rented the cheapest car i could and you don't have one. and i could spend two weeks tooling around the ozarks with the wind blowing through my hair.... it was a hard choice. let me tell you.
i am beyond amused at my luck. i smiled all the way to the hotel. this time since my flight was late. (i hate southwest). i just snagged a room outside of little rock. i will drive the rest of the way in the morning. (it's an hour and half drive easy).
this week has been a crazy week. read CRAZY WEEK. perhaps blogging for another day.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The Times they are a-changing
a year ago... almost to the day, i moved out of my "marital room" and into the "spare -oom" (go ahead, hear the narnia lingo in your head). it was at that moment, i became, somewhat, homeless. no longer living in a home that i had created with my husband, but instead sleeping on a HORRIBLE futon mattress on the floor of the room where arts and crafts normally took place.
From there, i moved in with a sweet and adorable cousin of sean's and stayed in her "spare -oom" with only a few things of my own that i needed on a daily basis. and then about 3 months later, moved to Detroit where my gracious soon-to-be-ex-sister-in-law, allowed me to stay through winter while i tried to get my feet back under me. Everything i owned packed in boxes in her basement with the exception of the clothes i needed and a few girly lotions and a picture of my precious little niece. As Winter began to dwindle, i moved once again to stay with a friend downriver till i could secure a place of my own - in what i hoped would be - 2 months. i flew to arkansas for work in that time and all along yearned for a place to call home. all of my previous stays, were indeed homey and i most certainly couldn't have made it this far without them. but there is something to be said for having a little piece of earth, even if rented, that you can say "mine" to. that you can decorate. where you can let your hair down in a way you can't anywhere else. there is just something to be said for that.
and alas, i have secured such a place... finally. a little apartment surrounded by trees and parks and a lake, in ypsi. Unfortunately, i found such a little jem the week before i was to leave for Arkansas for two weeks... so the extent of "moving in" was my couch, bench, and a chaise lounge before i left for work.
and then upon my return, i found out i would be leaving again for Arkansas in two weeks. less than one week from today. so that means two weeks to move. two weeks to get my life into some kind of order before i jet off to the ozarks to be all consumed by work. and this same two weeks, has overlapped the two weeks that my dear friends husband has been gone with the national guard for training. which is wonderful. but he leaves behind 6 children, ages - 12, 11, 10 ,9 and twin 7 month old babies. THAT in a nutshell... overwhelming and yet... each child has there own issues, it's a blended family of the most extreme modern blended family and one of the child has possibly autism. uncaught till now. so these two weeks have been taken over with helping out a friend. which i love doing. but i don't think work really cares.... i wonder if i spun it that really... i was helping the country. because it's stepping up to assist in the absence of a man that is training to help the country... i wonder if that would work??? it's a thought.
so my life. in a nutshell, is spinning. helping national guard widows, keeping up with work, unpacking boxes, finding and purchasing needed things like - plates (more poor dog is STILL eating dinner out of box lid) and somehow finding time to spend with my darling thomas. it's a lot. but i have faith that this is just a season of life.
but looking back to where i started a year ago... i've come a long way.
From there, i moved in with a sweet and adorable cousin of sean's and stayed in her "spare -oom" with only a few things of my own that i needed on a daily basis. and then about 3 months later, moved to Detroit where my gracious soon-to-be-ex-sister-in-law, allowed me to stay through winter while i tried to get my feet back under me. Everything i owned packed in boxes in her basement with the exception of the clothes i needed and a few girly lotions and a picture of my precious little niece. As Winter began to dwindle, i moved once again to stay with a friend downriver till i could secure a place of my own - in what i hoped would be - 2 months. i flew to arkansas for work in that time and all along yearned for a place to call home. all of my previous stays, were indeed homey and i most certainly couldn't have made it this far without them. but there is something to be said for having a little piece of earth, even if rented, that you can say "mine" to. that you can decorate. where you can let your hair down in a way you can't anywhere else. there is just something to be said for that.
and alas, i have secured such a place... finally. a little apartment surrounded by trees and parks and a lake, in ypsi. Unfortunately, i found such a little jem the week before i was to leave for Arkansas for two weeks... so the extent of "moving in" was my couch, bench, and a chaise lounge before i left for work.
and then upon my return, i found out i would be leaving again for Arkansas in two weeks. less than one week from today. so that means two weeks to move. two weeks to get my life into some kind of order before i jet off to the ozarks to be all consumed by work. and this same two weeks, has overlapped the two weeks that my dear friends husband has been gone with the national guard for training. which is wonderful. but he leaves behind 6 children, ages - 12, 11, 10 ,9 and twin 7 month old babies. THAT in a nutshell... overwhelming and yet... each child has there own issues, it's a blended family of the most extreme modern blended family and one of the child has possibly autism. uncaught till now. so these two weeks have been taken over with helping out a friend. which i love doing. but i don't think work really cares.... i wonder if i spun it that really... i was helping the country. because it's stepping up to assist in the absence of a man that is training to help the country... i wonder if that would work??? it's a thought.
so my life. in a nutshell, is spinning. helping national guard widows, keeping up with work, unpacking boxes, finding and purchasing needed things like - plates (more poor dog is STILL eating dinner out of box lid) and somehow finding time to spend with my darling thomas. it's a lot. but i have faith that this is just a season of life.
but looking back to where i started a year ago... i've come a long way.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
a new beginning
well, it is a new blog.
in view of the changes in my life. in my company now monitoring myspaces and the like. and that perhaps i have grown up beyond "livejournal". i have started this new lovely blog. what i am thinking of as "the grown-up blog". a place to put out into the greater wide (web) world my thoughts, my life, and of course... random rants that burst forth in moments of frustration.
i had much to say as i drove from sherman to little rock, plotting funny and witty posts. thought provoking and contemplative. and now. exhausted from the weekend of family. the stress of my grandfather being ill. a flat tire in texarkana. this will have to do for the 1st post. perhaps the next will encompass all of those things... and maybe even a picture....
in view of the changes in my life. in my company now monitoring myspaces and the like. and that perhaps i have grown up beyond "livejournal". i have started this new lovely blog. what i am thinking of as "the grown-up blog". a place to put out into the greater wide (web) world my thoughts, my life, and of course... random rants that burst forth in moments of frustration.
i had much to say as i drove from sherman to little rock, plotting funny and witty posts. thought provoking and contemplative. and now. exhausted from the weekend of family. the stress of my grandfather being ill. a flat tire in texarkana. this will have to do for the 1st post. perhaps the next will encompass all of those things... and maybe even a picture....
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