A whirlwind of a week

so here we are, tuesday... already. and ahead of me is one very crazy and packed week. i'm back in detroit and my visit to atlanta was life changing. it was good. it was bad. it was a many many things but i made some pretty big decisions while i was there. the number one - was to move to atlanta to help my mom out, to get to know my family again (it's been 8 years since i've lived near them) and to love on my sister. this was not an easy or quick decision made. there has been so much talk, so much meditating, so much thought put behind it. lists of pros and cons made and what it all really means.

but this is what i know without a shadow of a doubt. that family comes first. that you take care of your family at all cost no matter what your or who your family looks like or is. and that this was the first time in my entire life that my mother called me to come and help her with my sister. that standing in the emergency room with my mother outside my sisters door and looking into her worn and weary eyes and realizing that she's given all she can give and she is asking for help - not just for a week or two.... but HELP. i've realized that my family has seen me evolve over the last 8 years from a distance and we have stayed in contact via the phone (at least me and my mom) but that there is much that a phone conversation or holiday visits don't convey. there is much they don't see or realize about me and me about them. that in reality my sister and i, the girl i used to protect from my dad, have lost each other. that her illness has kept her in a bed and hermit like and too sick to know me at all.. and me to know her. this is something that has grieved me a long time.

and then, i also know that i have no job. i have been looking here and applied few places as there isn't much to even apply to. or what is.. just doesn't pay enough to even cover my bills. my bills that i've even lowered over the last several months by several hundred dollars. and i know that the job economy is so much better in atlanta. 1. in job availiablity and 2. in the wages being paid for those jobs. i know cuz i've applied for about 50 of them. getting one potential bite... we will see (fingers crossed it's something good).

and thus, these are the two largest driving motivations behind this decision. there are a ton of small little things, as is with anything. pros and cons. advantages and disadvantages. benifits and then again huge scarifices. but in the end, this is the undeniable open door that has presented iteself that i am saying yes... i will walk through you.

in addition, there is thomas. my dear sweet thomas who has never lived more than 30 miles from the place he was born. he has become over the months the other half of me. and seperation by 800 miles would be unbearable. not to mention, he has been effected by the job economy in detroit for over a year now. and so, he will join me in my move to the south. i can not tell you how much this means to me. that i do not have to walk this road alone and get to be accompained by my best friend. that i have found a person in my life commited to doing what is right even in the mist of huge sacrifice. that he takes on the responsibilty and the duty of my family as his own with love and care as if it were his own family. it need not even be said how radically different this is for me. coming from a relationship in which i spent one christmas with my family in a three year span. the only time, aside from my wedding, that we were around my family at all.

and so, this week will be and already is a whirlwind. we arrived late last night in detroit with about one week to pack up and move out. attempting to get back to atlanta as soon as possible for a multitude of reasons. to not pay out any more rent between our two places as possible which limits the money that is going out... considering we have my unemployement as the only source of income. to get jobs as soon as possible to get money coming in. and to be there for my family as my mom has classes starting back up the end of this week. it's a lot. it's heavy. so much to do and so litttle time.

the hardest thing is saying goodbye to all we love. i love detroit. i have found a family apart from blood in this town and leaving when it seems i JUST got back is hard. a luxury i am scarificing now for a period of time. i know that it won't be forever. i will be back to live. but for the next year, maybe two... my life lies in all the above things. there will be visists. this time will be different. not so far apart and not so short and i am going to do my darndest my freaking darndeest to stay in touch with everyone long distance. and to not do such a crappy job of staying in touch like the last time i left. and so. as i get a little emotional.. the real world calls me to do the real job of a butt-load of packing.